DECEIVING MYSELF

Devoid of life.
And devoid of joy.
I look in horror at the sky.

Seamless oceans drift apart.
Leaving my heart in hurtful scars.

Pain resides and calms me down.
For I know I won't feel strong for long.

These powers that are turning my life.
Know not what I despise.

Voices are becoming faint.
Echo is what remains.

Longing to get out.
Longing not to change about.

Obeying my mind's command.
Not questioning how i am not to be alarmed.

Letting the forces of change toss my actions in vain.
Forcing myself to restrain from all the actions that bring shame.

For people around me are strange.
Wanting to know how to conquer pain.

They know not it is not the way.
Its facing it all and being humane that will make you insane.

Once insane you'll see the rain.
Find all the meanings and discover true pain.

You'll believe all the meanings yet see no meaning.

That's when you'll ask me why it's so strange.

It all won't matter as I won't be the one hoping in disdain,
to hear from the one I am certain to have drained.